By Dr. Tiffany M. Crayton, Ph.D., LPC, NCC, DARTT, LSATP
In this season of our lives, we have an opportunity to reflect on things of the past. In doing, so we reminisce of what we could have, should have, or I wish I would have done scenarios and if we are not careful, we may not move forward in our lives due to shame. If we allow shame of decisions in the past take hold of our being, our voices will be silenced. You may not feel what you have to say matters for fear of what someone may say. If they are talking about you, they will talk about you rather you are silent or speak up. So give them something to talk about, they are going to talk anyway.
When I was a little girl, I remember hearing women sitting around sharing their regrets. Sharing stories of what they wished they had not done. That if they knew what they knew now they would have done things differently. They would say I regret when I…. I remember saying to myself I did not ever want to be the woman that said I have regrets. I would not be that woman I proclaimed! In my naivety, I viewed it as a mistake made. An event in their lives that created so much shame they wished it had never happened. What I now realize is that it was giving voice to wisdom. It was sharing one’s triumph of what they learned in their journey. They desired to share their pain in hopes of preventing another woman of having this mishap occur in their life.
Shame will have you sitting in your pain alone and pretending everything is good not realizing you sharing your experience could be a blessing for someone else. The enemy is clever in this because if he can keep us silent, if he can keep us fearful, and ashamed, he can keep us from being free. It is okay to acknowledge the fear you are experiencing because it is real, just as real as your faith. If you lean into your fear and trust God, He will consume the fear on your behalf.
I would like to suggest three steps that helped me shatter shame. 1). Surround yourself with women, sisters that love you and will not allow you to stay stuck in your pain. They push you towards your purpose and will say what needs to be said even if it is something you do not want to hear. It will be the very thing you will need to nourish your soul. 2) Give yourself grace. Believing that All things work together for the good of them who love the Lord. Even when we may do what we think is the right thing to do, outside of what God has told us to do He will still work that thing out to get the glory. He will take our mess and deliver a message that will be deliverance for you and someone else. 3). Be obedient. Do what God tells you to do. Even when it does not make sense. His plan is always better and greater than what we can imagine.
Shattering is defined as disrupting, the annihilation of something. Are you ready to disrupt the shame that exist in your being to create a space for healing and freedom? When you do, you will discover the liberation of spreading hope and love in your family, in your community and in this world. I am thankful for the steps you are willing to take towards YOU.
